SWM Searching for Spirituality

I recently attended Pantheacon in San Jose, CA (http://pantheacon.com/wordpress). Pantheacon is a large pagan gathering filled with 3 days of workshops, hospitality rooms, fellowship, merchandise, and the occasional bizarreness, well maybe a little more than occasional. People are very excited to be there and revel in their uniqueness. The big names in paganism attend as well which helps to attract large amounts of people.

I attended the event with my Sosyete, Fos Fe Yo We.  We honored the lwa, Danbala in a mini-sevis. Our Mami, Mambo T, presented a lecture on Vodou. I also assisted at a ritual dedicated to the ancestors and honoring Wesir. I also attended several other workshops, such as an introduction to Santeria, ritual in honor of Freyr, and an oracular seidh. I got a nice eclectic mix of practices I observed and have a better understanding of them.

One thing I did notice while I was at Pantheacon is the specific topic of this blog. I know this is true of so many, but there seems to be a thirst there – a deep need for something more. They are seeking something outside of themselves to fulfill this need and thirst. Many still do not know what it is, some have an idea. I intellectual know and understand this, but once the profound numbers of these people hit my mind it made me realize something very, very important about myself.

I am extremely lucky.

You see, I am at a place spiritually where I am happy and content. I know what I believe, I understand my place in the world as a spiritual being, and I am comfortable in my practices. I am in a good place. I am not saying this to gloat and declare I am spiritually beyond others. What I am saying is, sometimes it is okay and right to just be where you are at, and be that completely.

I recently spoke to a dear spiritual sister about our work we dedicate to our gods. She was speaking about sometimes not feeling her mother’s presence and worries about this. This is a very valid concern for many. I spoke to her about my own similar experiences. Sometimes it is hard to go through a spiritual routine when we feel like we are not getting anything out of it.

We all seek that spiritual high, that ecstatic state of divine union.  It’s a good feeling isn’t it? Knowing God is there so completely and that He wants to be with you. It is awesome! Unfortunately if we continue to always seek the highs, just like with real drugs we start to build a tolerance. We need new and better highs. We need the latest thing. This I think is part of the issue with these individuals seeking something and not knowing what they are looking for. It can best be summed up by the song from U2:

“I have kissed honey lips
Felt the healing in her fingertips
It burned like fire
This burning desire
I have spoke with the tongue of angels
I have held the hand of a devil
It was warm in the night
I was cold as a stone
But I still haven’t found what I’m looking for”

Take a moment. Look where you are at spiritually. You are in a good place. You know where you are. Sometimes even your spiritual life can be mundane. The Catholic saint, Theresa of Lisieux, approached god like this. She was a small nun living in a small convent with the great desire to become a saint. She knew she would never be able to match the heroics of St Joan of Arc or be like the martyrs, so she chose to find God in the small and mundane. She did this by listening to her superiors, cleaning the choir loft, assisting the elderly nuns, and loving everyone like they were God. She did this by accepting who she was and where she was in life. By doing this, in the end she rose to great heights and was able to accomplish what she wanted.

We are not all saints, many of us not even close. But we can find meaning in who we are and what are relationship with the divine is right now. After all that is what spirituality is. It is an understanding of who we are and how this interacts with the Divine. Each one of us has the spark of God. It is what gives us life. Embrace it and find comfort in it

You don’t have to move mountains. It is okay just to sit there and gaze on the beauty and be present.

Mysteries of Wesir, Day 4

Tonight we sit up in anticipation. We sit in vigil with Wesir. We sit with his two sisters, His two queens. He remains gone. Our hearts still ache. Yet, something is stirring. He is the seed placed in the ground. He is covered with the earth. He lies in darkness. Yet, something is there. Something changes.

Tonight I sit in vigil at the god’s shrine. A candle will burn this night till morning. Prayers will be said for the dead, which slowly will be given away to prayers for the living. Tonight the inertness which is Sokar begins to find momentum. He moves again. Something is happening to that seed placed in the ground. It is giving way to something new, something different.

As I look on my life and see those things which have ended, which are no more, I see what changes they brought. I see the lessons learned, the new friends found, and blessed beginnings which only endings can bring. Wesir brings us this.

Sit back tonight. Sit with Him. Listen. See Zep Tepi in the making. Watch the new beginning change way to an new understanding. See hope spring to life.

Mysteries of Wesir, Day 3

The shrine is dark. His candle which is always lit, now is extinguished. Wesir is dead.

Like last year, today is very cold. A harsh wind blows out of the West. Clouds are in the sky obscuring the full moon which hides behind them. Even when He is gone, the veil parts at times so we can see Him. Wesir is gone but do we mourn for Him, or for ourselves? Do we mourn because His life is no more, or do we mourn because that part of our life is gone?

I mourn because I feel empty. I go about my daily business. Work. Assignments. Communicating with friends and relatives. But all feeling empty. It is like I suddenly have a compounded clinical depression slam into me with a sledgehammer. I hide it well. Most people wouldn’t understand. You see, unlike other faiths, us Kemetics don’t get an Easter morning. We don’t ever get the joy of the resurrection.

So tonight I embrace my emptiness. I embrace it because I know it will pass. He has taught me that. He has shown me that all things change, even those as powerful as the gods. And change isn’t bad, it is just another path. It is frightening, not knowing where we are going, but He travels with us.

May you experience the emptiness of the Lord of Silence this night, and know…

Mysteries of Wesir, Day 2

Tonight I sit in a dark room. It is very quiet. I can hear the furnace blowing air. I hear the dog breathing. I can hear the tapping of this keyboard. Even in silence I can find sound. So what could it be like to be in total silence? When death overcomes us, and there is overwhelming silence.

I have been thinking a lot recently about my own death. I used to say to myself I wasn’t frightened of death, and in some ways I am not. I am faced with it frequently in my line of work. I see death slowly take over people, witness it visit, and assist with helping others with the pain. But my own death….

I will die. I will stop breathing. My heart will not beat. My limbs will become cold. I will not see. I will not hear. I will be gone from this world. And sometimes I ask myself if anyone would notice. It is not that I want to make a huge mark on this world, and want people flocking to me telling me how much they love me, because I don’t. When I am gone what will there be left of me?

I leave behind no children. I have not done anything to make history books. But what I can leave behind is much greater. What I leave behind is the spirit of who I am. I am the man who gave of himself to those he cared about. I am the man who believed in something far greater than he could be. I am a man who loved his family from the depths of his heart. I am the man who’s strength comes from within.

In many ways I am like Wesir, and He is who I aspire to be. Did Wesir fear death? His death did not bring salvation or enlightenment. His death wasn’t a sacrifice for wrongdoings. His sacrifice was for His people. He gave up life. He gave up ever seeing His own child. He even braved Aset’s anger at Him for leaving Her alone. He gave up a lot.

Sometimes giving can hurt. Sometimes we don’t want to go outside our comfort zones. But I struggle to be like the Good God, and I will give of myself. Sometimes it is painful, but the more often it is done, the less it hurts. And the closer I share in the god’s vision.

Tonight, sit in silence and think, “what is it Wesir is asking from me?” Maybe it is telling someone you are thinking about them and here for them. Maybe volunteering for those less fortunate. Or maybe He wants you to stand up for what you feel you must do and to fully live.

May the Lord of Silence whisper to your hearts this night.

Mysteries of Wesir, Day 1

Today begins the return of one of the most sacred times of the year. It marks the opening of the great festival which the ancients called the “Mysteries of Wesir.” Specifically it marks the beginning of the festival of Sokar-Wesir. It begins a week-long celebration of life, death, unexpected change, and hope.

When I decided to blog again about the Mysteries I decided I didn’t really want to repeat myself. So if you haven’t read my previous blog about the Mysteries, please do. The posts are still relative, and I plan on rereading them and contemplating on them once again this year.

http://raheriwesir.wordpress.com/2011/11/24/mysteries-of-wesir-day-1/

Wesir is intrinsically linked to both the gods Ptah and Sokar. Ptah-Sokar-Wesir is a continuum of existence for the Good God. Ptah is seen as the living embodiment in the Seen World. Sokar is the moment of change. When the god becomes something else. Sokar exists in all of us. We experience Him daily, we are just often blind and deaf to Him. Wesir is dead in our eyes in the Seen World, but is eternal in the Unseen.

Think about it. Wesir is the Lord of Forever, but He is also the cycle of change. Look out your window. Here in the Northern Hemisphere the leaves have fallen from the trees. The cool wind chills to the bone. The Sun burns brightly, but the days are short and no heat is found. I see the bountiful life of spring and summer dissipate. Winter is at hand, and Wesir is leaving us again. The cycle of change is here.

In shrine this morning while tending to the holy icon, I am reminded of change. This Mysteries for me, along with this year is about change. Over the course of the rest of the year, I can see much change coming in my life. Change can produce anxiety. It is not certain. It is unknown.

I pray that I follow the path of my father, and I voluntarily accept that change. He accepted it, no other god before Him did. He did not know for certain what would happen. He accepted death. And as I meditate on His acceptance, I can say I am open to change and I seek it, but am I as accepting as He was. If death was tomorrow, would I surrender to it without hesitation?

So for me, this holy season will focus on change and acceptance. Acceptance of my life and my mortality. Am I living as the person I want to be? Am I doing what I want to do? Is my life worthwhile? I think we all have asked these questions before.

So join me on this experience. Question if you can be like Wesir this season. Can you open yourself up to that change? Can you stare into the eyes of honesty? And can you make that leap of faith and dive head-first into the unknown?

10. Beliefs: Ma’at

First I would like to apologize for the sporadic posts. Life outside blog-land has taken a hold of me. But I would like to continue where I left off.

Ma’at

We Kemetics talk about it all the time, but just what is it? What do we mean we when are saying we are living in ma’at? What do we mean when we say may ma’at prevail? But before we decide what these statements mean, we have to figure out ma’at.

Ma’at is a name of Netjer, and represents the ultimate representation of ma’at (the concept). I think most of the times we tend to think of ma’at and being equal to morality, but this is Western thinking easing in. Ma’at does not have a moral compass doing what is right and what is wrong. It is a force bringing things back to the way they were at the First Time. It is a perfect state of being, which acts on gods, mankind, spirits, and all world events in the Seen and Unseen. It is not a beginning. It is not an end. It is more of a middle place where all things flow to and from.

When I first started along the Kemetic path I was deeply entwined with the philosophy of ma’at being a moral compass. It was justice. It was truth. It was what is right. And while all these things are in some form correct, it is so much more than that, yet many people cannot see beyond this, because sometimes ma’at slaps you in the face. Sometimes it is a wakeup call. Sometimes it is just annoying.

As a priest I bring ma’at daily to Netjer in the form of my father, Wesir-Sokar. I offer it to the gods on behalf of the King and the Nation of Kemet. I pray and give the perfection of the First Time and in essence allow Zep Tepi to begin daily. It is an awesome and humbling service. One that I never take lightly and I do for the love of Netjer and my community.

To live in ma’at from this perspective is to spend every moment of the day allowing ma’at to work on us, and not fighting against it. It is similar to the “mindfulness” lessons popular in new age and eastern mysticism. It is living each moment of each day with intention. Everything we do has reason and meaning, even the most minuscule of actions.

As for the statement of ma’at prevailing…I have personally never had much use for this sort of statement. It is similar to me when people talk about karma coming back, universe revenge, or similar things. If anyone has some insight into this please leave comments. Maybe I am just coming from an uninformed standpoint.

My understanding of ma’at is much better now than back when I was a novice Kemetic, and it continues to grow. Today ma’at is an acceptance of who I am in all my flaws, insecurities, and actions.  Tomorrow it may be something different, but that is the beauty of ma’at. Every day you exam it is Zep Tepi. You find something new and perfect each time. They can contradict each other, and it still is ma’at.

“Ma’at, Feather of Truth, Lady of Justice, may my heart not be heavy.
Let it not crash to the ground from the weight of isfet.
May my heart not obliterate the scales and let the Uncreated prevail.
May my heart not be so light to fly off the scale into Ammit’s mouth.
May my heart be even with the scales of justice.
May my heart be balanced like the essence of the goddess herself,
so that I may be True of Voice before the tribunal of the gods.”

- Raheriwesir

Year 20: Year of Nut

We are a few weeks now into the new year. Wep Ronpet has come and with it a new hope and perspective. For me, an exciting year is planned. On a secular side I am in a new house, starting a semi-new position at work, going into a new semester, and potentially applying for doctorate programs to enhance my career and education. Spiritually it is a new and exciting year as well. I just received ordination in the House of Netjer and have an awesome role to fill working with my fellow priests and my teacher. I received a new name and have the awesome responsibility of living up to that. I am receiving a few more degrees this year in Scottish Rite Freemasonry and am finally going to get to spend more time in Lodge since my class schedule agrees this semester. Yes it is defiantly a new and promising year.

Last year, many things were built. Ptah taught me to lay strong foundations, so as to prepare for that future. This message is still present. I may have laid those foundations in the past, but new foundations will constantly be laid.

This year is Year 20 of the reign of Hekatawy I in the Kemetic Orthodox Faith. The Netjer presiding over this year is the goddess Nut. Nut is my first Beloved, and she has always been a slight mystery to me. I think it is because of her vastness. She is such a large, somewhat abstract name. She is the sky, but not just the blue thing above us, but the expanse beyond that as well. For me she holds the stars, quasars, asteroids, nebula, galaxies, and universes. She is huge. She is beyond simple human understanding.

She is the one who holds our ancestors within her belly. The stars decorate her. She holds them within her womb like she held her 5 children. She nurtures them, loves them, cradles them, and protects them. One day I too will be held by her and experience that sweet embrace.

For me, Nut is about feminine love, the kind that comes from a mother. Love which is different than what a father, brother, partner, or friend can give. Her love is different. It just isn’t unconditional love, but love that knows no bounds at all. It is encompassing and complete. Look towards the myths and you can see that love. The love she had for Geb, which was so intense it required their father to separate them in order for us to live.

The Oracle this year promises balance. After foundations are laid, we must understand what things need to occur next, so as to make sure the structure we are building will stand for a long time. We must constantly thrive for this. If we are lazy, weak, or disinterested then what we hope to accomplish will not last for long.

So I look to Nut this year. When I feel overwhelmed with tasks I have agreed to take on, or when I feel like hiding under a rock and running away for the world, let me look to Nut, for she never tires. She constantly holds the balance for everything to exist. She separates herself from her deepest desires. However she is not alone. She has the help of her father, and so do I. When I feel I cannot go on, may I remember the strength of Nut and how to ask for help when I am in need of it.

“O my Mother Nut, stretch Yourself over me,

that I may be placed among the imperishable stars which are in You,

and that I may not die.”