Have you ever had a spiritual experience that at the time was quite profound and exhilarating, only later to find that you second guess yourself? You start rationalizing that what you experienced was just your own emotions and patterns of thinking. It wasn’t a real experience but just your brain wanting to connect with something. I refer to this as spiritual self-gaslighting.
Gaslighting is a form of mental manipulation in which ones starts to question one’s own reality. Frequently this is seen in abusive relationships where the victim questions their own perception of events. Self-gaslighting is when we do this to ourselves. We begin to question if our own perceptions of situations were real with ourselves questioning this. We rationalize or deny our experiences, taking something that was authentic for us and casting it in doubt.
This self-gaslighting can occur in a spiritual sense where we begin to deny our own spiritual experiences as inauthentic and something we have made up in our imagination. I believe that we do this because often we do not feel worthy, special, or important enough to have god come to us in such a personal and dynamic way.
I am a spiritual self-gaslighter. I can have very intense, emotional, mystical experiences and only hours or days later tell myself I was making it up in my mind. It was not real. It happened because I wanted it to happen. I had that experience because I know my trigger points and how to elicit such experiences. It was no more real than a dream. It is just a product of my mind and self-conditioning.
Just like normal gaslighting, spiritual self-gaslighting is our own saboteur trying to change the narrative we experienced and create a false one. This is a form of emotional abuse we cause to ourselves.
I want you to know this. Your spiritual experiences are real. They are valid. They are in essence YOU. Never let anyone question your own experiences especially yourself. We are our own worst critic. We have the potential to cause ourselves the most harm. When the questioning and doubt arises, it is important to remind yourself that in the moment you experienced connection with the divine. It is authentic and real. Do not doubt your worth. Your experiences are valid.
I promise to not question my spiritual experiences in the moment they occur. I promise to not compare my spiritual experiences to others, accepting that what I experience is just as real and valid as the experiences that others have. I promise to accept experiences as they are and what I feel in that moment as connection to the divine. I will not question myself but feel blessed to have had these moments of union.
I hope you make this promise with me. Make it to yourself. You are worth it.
A powerful prayer I wrote several years ago calling on Set to destroy isfet. It seems like an especially powerful prayer at this time.
Awakening in Amenti 
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