Today has been hell. I knew it was coming and all weekend long I had it looming in the back of my head. Today my closest friend, Midnight, my dog, passed away.
It started last week. I knew something was going on. She was acting funny; her behavior was different. It became more real Saturday night, then all day Sunday, and finally till this morning.
I have had Midnight since she was a puppy. I was with a friend of mine and we went to the animal shelter to look at the dogs. As we were looking through the kennels, there I saw her. She was so small, black, and barking at me with all she could. I knew at that moment, she was my dog. And since then she has.
Saturday Josh and I came home after the movies. I found that Midnight had apparently had a few accidents on the floor while we were gone. This is a rare occurrence for her. One of these stools was very mucus-like. She was also hiding in the computer room. I took her outside (she was walking very stiffly), and when it was time to come in, she did not want to. She just laid there out in the cold. After noticing that my promptings got me nowhere, with Josh’s help I carried her in. When I tried to pick her up the first time, she tried to nip at me.
Once I got her inside I did myself an exam. As I lightly palpated her abdomen she let out a big whine. It was so hard, like a rock. So I let her lay down and did not bother her for the remainder of the night.
Early that morning I heard her falling over. She was in so much pain she could barely walk and keep her balance. I immediately got out the phone book and called the veterinarian on-call. The vet said that it might be colitis and told me what to give her to help ease her discomfort. He said he would see her in the office if I wanted to bring her in, but I told him I would try what he recommended first. So off I trotted to Walgreens at 6 AM to find my dog some medicine.
All day Sunday she lay on the floor. She wouldn’t eat. I couldn’t get her to take her medicine. All I could do was spend my day comforting her. I prayed, pleaded, and even anointed her with healing water to help.
I got up this morning and took her to the vets as soon as the office opened. I told them what was going on, and they did some blood work. According to the blood work her creatinine and BUN were both elevated significantly. Phosphorus was slowing increasing as well al liver enzymes. She was also anemic. All these clinical factors led Dr. Scully to believe that she was in renal failure or renal insufficiency. They did a cysto and got a urine sample from her. Osmolarity was high as well. This was indicative of renal failure.
This was when I had to decide what I was going to do. Midnight is 16 years old, which is like 90–100 in dog years. Did I want to subject her to be admitted to the animal hospital to be poked and prodded just to buy time? When people have clinical indicators like this, they are put on dialysis. If you know anything about dialysis, you usually feel awful all the time.
I made the decision to have her euthanaised. I love her so much, that the thought of her in pain and slowly dying was more than I could bear.
We were in a little room, with a table she could lay on, and a couch. I stayed in there and talked with her. I told her that she was going to go to a wonderful place. This place is filled with green hills and valleys. There she was going to get to chases squirrels and rabbits everyday. She was going to get to see Gramma and Uncle Gary. She wouldn’t ever feel the pain in her joints again. And she would be happy forever. I told her that Yinepu was here and was going to guide her there, and that He loved her just as much as I did.
I sat next to her, petting her. My mom arrived and she said her goodbye. They came in and gave her the first shot to put her to sleep. She laid there with her head on my lap, and feel asleep while I petted her. Once she was asleep Dr. Scully came in and administered the second shot. That is when her heart stopped and she stopped breathing. She was gone.
I don’t know what to do. I miss her. I love her. I don’t know how life will ever be the same.
Josh had said that “you and your dog act just like each other.” We did. She was my canine counterpart. We spent so many years together that we kind of became the same.
I know that she still lives. I believe that all animals have souls. This just isn’t a hopeful wish; this is a fact I have learned in my life. Her soul was an old one. I know that it lives this day in the Unseen World. I know that she is chasing those squirrels and rabbits and having a blast. I know that she is safe and happy. I know that I will see her again. I promised her this today. That I would see her again, and I am damn sure to keep this promise to her.
Midnight I love you. You have been the best dog anyone can have. Thank you for always being there for me. I will never stop loving and missing you.