For members of the Kemetic Orthodox faith, we are quickly approaching the end of our religious calendar, and beginning a new on with the celebration of Wep Ronpet (also known as the Opening of the Year). Wep Ronpet celebrates the rising of the star, Sirius, over Tawy House (the official residence of the Nisut). Tawy House is the central temple of the Kemetic Orthodox faith. Like secular culture, we celebrate an end to the bad and rotten things which have occurred in the previous year, and welcome new brighter events to occur.
Personally it cannot come too soon.
This has been a rough year for me, which can be seen from my absence on this blog. Over the course of this year my mother has an accident which led to her needing surgery two different times. I was let go from my job of 7 years with the explanation that I was not effective after I asked for a less responsible position. This caused financial hardships which lead to all other sorts of problems. I had a family member attempt suicide, another taken away from cancer, and other family members making life a living hell for all the others.
It has been a tough year.
But something happened to me this year which has never happened before. I did not give up on god.
Usually when tough things happen, god is the first to get the blame. I lose faith, don’t want to talk to god, and blame the gods for allowing these things to happen. I abandon god, and rightly so because obviously god has abandoned me.
But our gods are not omnipotent or omniscient. Sometimes it just hits the fan and there is nothing that particularly caused it.
For the first time, instead of retreating from god, I ran toward god. I poured out my heart, my disappointments, my own failures. God heard me and even though things did not magical become better, I knew I wasn’t alone. God was there holding me, comforting me. God sees every tear that ever ran down my face and knew my heart and what I endured. I even when I felt alone and that they world sought to destroy me, I knew I was secure in god’s arms.
It is hard to believe, especially when chaos invades our lives. It is a struggle. I am writing this blog so that people can understand that just because I write on this blog a lot about my relationship with god, that that relationship I have is not perfect. I fail sometimes. I don’t believe. But I don’t believe that faith and a relationship with the divine is a linear process. It is on a continuum. Sometimes I have more disbelief than belief and sometimes I have am 100% sure of the divine.
I thank god for this gift that was given to me. It took 38 years for it to come and some very difficult life events which made me feel helpless, hopeless, used, unimportant, and like general garbage. But I wouldn’t take it back. It taught me the reliance I need.
Over this past year several positive things happened as well. I graduated with my master’s degree and started a doctoral program. I found a new job which I love, and got full time hours and a raise. I learned who is really important to me and how much I really do love them. I learned who my friends were and who didn’t care.
As Wep Ronpet approaches, and we perform the ritual to destroy the isfet of last year, I will be there. I will look at that pot, place a mark of all these events on it, and then smash the hell out of it. Never to dwell on these events no more, but to look forward to the great possibilities of what is coming.
This year was of Nut, and she offers hope. I have that hope and it was a difficult journey for it to manifest. Who knows what the next year will bring, but I do know that I will have that hope which I will carry forward into it.