(For simplicity, the masculine pronoun will be used to refer to god unless to specify the feminine aspects)
As I talked about earlier in this blog, I was raised in a Pentecostal church. I was taught from childhood that god loved me, and even further than that, He loved me unconditionally. I was taught god lived in my heart, knew my wants, and could destroy my sadness. No matter what I did, god would love me. When puberty occurred I started to have sexual feelings for the same sex. It did not feel wrong, it felt real. However as we well know, most Christian churches denounce homosexuality and state it is an abomination unto god. This means that my innate feelings of love were considered vile, shameful, and detestable to god. God hated me for this and I would burn in eternal hell for such feelings.
What happened to His unconditional love? I become a teenager and all of a sudden my church does a 180. God’s love isn’t as unconditional as I thought. He loves me, but only if I don’t do this. That then makes His love conditional.
So why do I bring this up in a blog called “Love?” Through the trials of my life I have discovered something wonderful. I know today, that god does love me unconditionally. I believe that. My mother and grandmother were right. Not only does He love me unconditionally, but He loves you unconditionally as well.
As I was returning this past week from Pantheacon in San Jose, I had a very profound meditation. As I looked out of the plane’s window and gazed over the mountains, Netjer spoke to me and asked me to carry out this message. Someone out there really needs this right now.
I know that god loves me. I feel it. I do not doubt it. He fills my heart with His love so completely and offers it without condition. His love is absolute.
Some of these beliefs may sound familiar. Am I just carrying them over from Christianity? I don’t know, but if I do carry them over then Christianity has given me a wonderful gift. It gave me a god who loves all His children unconditionally. He does not place sanctions or limits. The only one who does is me. Sometimes I use excuses, such as “How can god love someone like me?’ or “I am not good enough for god to love.”
He is always there for us, closer than you think. I do not need to invoke Him, draw Him down, or call out for Him to hear me. He is here in this very moment, as I type these words and as you read them. He resides in the invisible reaches of our soul, every moment of the day.
I know there are times when I disappoint Him, but He still loves me. Sometimes He wishes I would listen more, but He still loves me. The gods love me. Netjer loves me a poor small man filled with anxieties and fears. There is no greater gift than this love that is given.
So when you doubt, when you are filled with sorrow and tears, when you don’t think you can take another day, realize that the greatest friend and love you can ever know is right there with you. Always.
“God loves each of us as if there were only one of us.” – St. Augustine
“May your roots go down deep into the soil of God’s marvelous love. And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long ,how high, and how deep His love really is” -Ephesians 3:17, 18